Azurah (azurah) wrote in avoidants,

liking alone time too much

I'm 28 and have a part-time job and take a few online classes. I live with my boyfriend and our pets. I've been treated for social anxiety and depression in the past, but they have been two totally different things for me. Now I seem to be having a combination. Normally my depression manifests as getting really emotional, crying jags and just generally feeling down. But now (not on meds due to problems with side effects) I'm just not interested in socializing and I think it's a mix of my social anxiety (get sweaty, heart pounds, feel very uneasy, have a hard time making small talk) and depression, but I don't feel emotional like before, more like numb and apathetic.

Hanging out with people is draining. I don't see my friends anymore, I honestly don't make the effort. I still care about them, but from a distance (facebook), and on the rare chance that I see them, I know I should be enjoying their company, but instead it feels exhausting and I make excuses to leave because I can't seem to handle it for long. I know I should probably seek therapy/go back on meds, but it didn't seem like those helped much either. The worst part? I know I should want to seek help and get better, but a part of me doesn't want to. 

Anyone know what I mean?
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