Lee (beautyliedead) wrote in avoidants,

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Overwhelming Feelings of Ahhh!

I've never really talked about these feelings, but I finally called for a therapists appointment for the first time ever. I cried the entire time I was on the phone because I had to give somebody my name. I'm not paranoid that people having my name is a bad thing, I just get really scared to talk to anybody outside of the 'net.

I've tried to make appointments before, but I don't leave my house unless its to do volunteer work or my job. I started the volunteer work because I thought it might help me get out of the house and out of my shell, but it isn't really working. I only have to leave my house 10 hours a week for that. 

Lately, I cry just at the thought of seeing my only RL friend.

I figured now is the time to finally get therapy and try and get working on fixing this terrible panic I'm always in about interacting with other people.

I was just wondering, how did you guys work up the courage to make that solo drive to the therapist's office for the first time? I don't know if everyone is frightened of leaving their house at risk of interacting with others, of it this is just a me problem, or what. I just don't know if I have the courage to drive myself there.

My parents are not supportive, and my fiancee (the only person I talk to) can't drive. Would it be weird for me to take her with me to therapy just for comfort? Are therapist offices even okay with that kind of thing?
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Are you talking about having your fiancee wait with you in the waiting room until the appointment, or sit in on the therapy sessions? I think as long as you list your fiancee as someone who your therapist talk to about your treatment, then the therapist may be ok with having her sit in.

For me, I had seen counselors and therapist on a few occasions. Getting sick and tired of being sick and tired was what motivated me to go, in addition to fearing that the depression and anxiety would also cause me to lose my job (or whatever I feared to lose at the time). I had found it helpful to bring along journal entries and/or e-mails or IM's from people that I was struggling with to get some clarity, as I tended to clam up, burst into incoherent tears and have trouble talking about those particular things because of feeling overwhelmed by them.
Therapists tend to be cool with whatever helps you get the help you need. If it's a friend, a teddy bear, chugging a beer in the parking lot (not recommended but it DOES happen often for first appointments). The important part is to go. Even if you think you're going to vomit or pass out, etc.
To be completely honest, it's been 6-7 years with the same therapist for me, and I still feel sick going to her office. Not because she's not helpful or safe, but... I don't know. It can be a hard pathology to change, but it CAN be changed.

If you're not happy with the way things are going right now (sounds like you aren't), try to let that motivate you to do whatever needed to change things. Kind of the "it can't get any worse" mentality... yeah, therapy is scary, but remaining the same is scary, too. :\

Good luck going - if they know it's anxiety based you should get a lot of understanding and empathy.
I just went and it actually went a lot smoother than my brain was convinced it was going to go. :] I didn't have to chug a beer, but I did have my friend curl up with me in the car and buy me flowers to calm me down.

I'm glad that I went, at least.
It's *so* not just you, really really! If I ever decide to go back to therapy, my husband would almost certainly drive me there, or even make the appointment. My anxiety is triggered by leaving the house, driving (especially to unfamiliar places), visiting friends, and talking on the phone. So I know how hard it must have been for you to make that call - and I agree with the other commenters that anything that helps you get to therapy and stay with therapy will almost certainly be okay.

Best of luck to you. <3